I remember how you used to rouse me
in the dead of night
in the depth of sleep.
Like some sweet, unassuming alarm
You would gently grab and shake my arm
and whisper, “My darling, are you awake?”
It was like the thing you had to say
your declaration couldn’t wait another moment,
and that was quite alright with me.
I’d listen intently,
let you move me into new worlds
with new words, relentless,
where things that made less sense
still somehow led me home.
We were there.
My dearest and deepest,
my long time lover,
we were tethered
and I would have followed you anywhere.
You willed me know myself
to see myself better.
You taught me to learn
and to feel the slow burn of each
teachable moment we endured together.
You were the mirror,
my rooted tree reflector
my protector
because I knew you
were sure that the truth
was something I could reach
before it killed me.
I grew
We grew older
Those middle-of-the-night
tender shakes of my shoulder
that splendor
waxed and waned
and, suddenly,
in the absence of the time and space
I neglected to create,
I didn’t have the hours in a day.
I fell in love with new things
and you let me do it.
I felt the breakdown of my old dreams
and you saw me through it.
And then, it seems
I didn’t see much at all
though we both know
how hard you tried.
I remember how
you’d look at me
with that gorgeous face
those eager eyes
begging me,
pleading me back into sacred places.
I denied you
and I justified it:
This is my life now.
People change, my love.
I don’t have time for fantasies.
---
I awoke last night in terror
to cold, and shame, and shiver,
I turned this whole house over
and over and over.
I looked for a letter.
I looked in the mirror.
I looked over my shoulder
and you weren’t here.
I’ve grown older still
unable to forget the way
you made my passion smolder.
I long to hold you again,
and so I wrote a letter.
---
To my dearest and deepest
my long time friend and lover,
I didn’t realize what I had
until the end.
I’m sorry, so sorry,
and I promise, if you return
if you let me see you again
I will never look away.
No matter how painfully
honest it is
I will let you hold my hand
my pen, and tell me what
it is you wish to say.
At any moment
any time of day
I am yours, endlessly
relentlessly.
Please, my darling,
Please come back,
and stay.
I’m awake.
I’m awake.
I’m awake.
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